I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
