i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
