Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She bit a glass in half.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
