??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
