She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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