You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
