Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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