if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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