these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
please come you make the beer taste better
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
