oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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