I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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