We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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