Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
