He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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