um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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