Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
