Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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