Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
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Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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