dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
