atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
