Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
