No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Still dying that you shit outside
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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