2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
