he shaved USA in his pubs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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