ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
