We're facebook friends in real life
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
