not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm both gender and math confused
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
