I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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