So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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