i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
