Plan B is the new Plan A
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
