You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
