My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
