remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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