using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
