Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
