her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
