The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every concussion has its silver lining
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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