id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
