We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
