I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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