oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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