Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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