So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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