grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
