Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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