I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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