Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
