i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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