I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
