We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
