I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
