2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
