I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
