Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
