I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
