That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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