I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
sex in a hospital.. check
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
