new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
