you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
