Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She told me I should be a condom model.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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