I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
