Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
