someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
