I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
