so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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