He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
