I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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