: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
