I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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