My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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