i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
