I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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